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Monday, February 27

i can't help it and i want to admit that...

I'M SUPER SCARED.

SCREAMMMMSSS.

Heli Dont ask me why 9:43 PM

Thursday, February 23

Out of FOCUS

my head is like swelling almost every other day, i'm really out of focus.. just going through with many motions. i'm not driven by what i want, i'm driven by what circumstances want. and it seems so that ha i'm gradually losing control, losing my grip. stretched till...

wo lei le, you shi hou zhen de shen me dou bu xiang guan le.

SCREAMS.

i want to be a rock! a hard one!

Heli Dont ask me why 7:52 PM

Wednesday, February 22

On leave!

Haven't sit down in front of my com early in the morning, kinda afreshed, listening to songs for a while. It has realy been quite some time since i get to have such time for myself. Have been hmm working with kids for quite sometime, about a month plus and tomorrow will be really doing teaching. sighs, kinda worried about how i'm going to conduct lessons and what not. nevertheless, i know i'm not alone, cos i've the one and only, special someone above. =)

Leads me into thinking and reflecting about my "changed" life since 2003. some problems, qualms i faced still remains, but i know i've changed. He has helped me to change, and will continue to do so. In fact ha, i thank God for placing me in working at wherever i'm working at now. For so many reasons like ermm.. my colleagues and supervisor really are friendly, and those little 5 or 10mins talk i have with them are very precious each day, and another reason more importantly so, is to let me get back and walk back the path i should be heading, the path i once felt stagnant and wanna give up. He is good. PTL. =)

like a deer longing for water
my soul yearns
only you can fill my deep hunger
my heart burns

Heli Dont ask me why 8:30 AM

Monday, February 13

1st Fey Day

It was a night that i had been waiting for since weeks ago, a night that i wanted to carry out my plans smoothly but well, hiccups do happened. regretfully, the video wasn't up and honestly, i really was rather upset about it. but it doesn't matter i guess, at the end of it all, i think what i wished was fulfilled - the smiles on everyone's face.

I think this is the most precious picture i've ever taken so far in these years for finally, there's a full fey picture, the one thing i've been waitin for so long. really the finest pictures i have ever. thanks wendy for it! =D

And so, i've said part of what i intend to say in the video, but still i know i've more to say, and i know i would never finish what i want to say to this group of people... this really special lot of people i know i would never ever will want to say goodbye to.

the wine glasses i've given symbolises a wish from me to all of you that, may fey memories always fill the cup, may it be never empty, and may it be always flowing with fond memories my friends. some of us hold to the belief that we'll still remain as we are many years down the road, some of us have qualms about it all. i know it's hard to say what's gonna happen in the future but well, hmm really i wish that every year we can have such gathering and different pleasant surprises. i want to go through many many years of fey birthday with all of you.

Kinda hmm still feel sore haha about why it didn't turn out the way i wanted for it has been really something i've look forward to a lot. Many nights i've rolled on my bed thinking how to celebrate this first ever fey day, with everyone attending, many times i've sat on the bus and wonder if all of you will look forward to it as much as i do. each time i wrote the email to all of you, i've put so much anticipation in it. but ha ok i know that not all of you read what i wrote, in the end i thought i was the only clown. to me the first happiest thing was to know that all of us can make it. but well, thank you all really for making the time and effort to come down. sometime i think, there will sure to be some people out there that really think i'm crazy about this whole clique thing, but really, call me crazy or nuts i don't care. the fact is that, fey has really clinch an indispensable place, a big one in my heart.

and so.. to my dearest fey, i hope it has been really a fey day and that all of you enjoyed be it the bbq, the gathering itself, the video, and the "surprise" i've given all of you.. a night that i didn't want to see anymore sun.. just want to be with all of you to be around and talk and talk.. and talk..

without fey, life goes on..
but life rocks on with all of you.

i love you all, and happy valentine day. =)

Heli Dont ask me why 9:38 PM

Wednesday, February 1

7.15AM - WENT OUT TO WORK

8.15AM - COME BACK HOME.

hah ya i left for work and now i'm back at home in front of my com. reason is, my boss called me while i was on the way to work this morning (about 40mins ago) to say she forgot that today the p1 kids are not coming in. Ya.. and after she hung up the phone, i started coughing like mad and the flam in my throat was like stuck there and i nearly couldn't breathe cos i'm having block nose at the same time, felt as if i almost died on the bus. chest pain la, cough la, dun simi sai la.. so dah, come back home suan le.

Nah don't start thinking i'm angry with my boss, she's a nice lady kay. if only i'm good at taking care of kids, as in real good to the extent i've some kind of aura that tamed those kids, and that this job doesn't cause me to have high potential rates of getting high blood pressure, or heart attack, probably i would really consider quitting studying and do this job.

but at this moment, no. i'm not ready.

Heli Dont ask me why 8:20 AM

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